"Do you [I] exist?"

The feeling that you do not exist
Is the most hurting feeling you could bear
In your school, your workplace, even in your home

The feeling of not being recognized
Is the worst feeling you could feel
Even if you're humble enough to accept it

The eyes that look you in disgust
How you wish not to feel these
But you can’t help but notice…

Diagnosis : "Complex and Delusions"

Caution: knowing about these things will make you see them everywhere, even in the mirror.

If I were to diagnose a person who displays extreme antisocial behaviors to the extent that everyone in the organization is dramatically affected, I would give him these personality issues:

Definition of Terms:

a.     Antisocial behaviors – actions that demonstrate lack of concerns for the interests and needs of the organization and its members; purposeful, norm-violating behaviors of organizational members, which have the potential to damage the organization and/or its constituents.

b.    Compulsive – somebody whose actions are driven by a usually irrational psychological force;

c.     Delusions of Grandeur – gross and false overestimation of personal worth, importance, powerfulness, or attractiveness;

d.    Egocentric – interested only in personal needs and wants, and not caring about other people;

e.    Envy – the resentful or unhappy feeling of wanting somebody else's success, qualities, or possessions;

f.      Insecurity – anxious and lacking in self-confidence;

g.    Megalomania – an excessive enjoyment in having power over other people and a craving for more of it;

h.    Narcissism – excessive self-admiration and self-centeredness;

i.      Pride – a haughty attitude shown by somebody who believes, often unjustifiably, that he or she is better than others;

j.      Primary Psychopathy – a disorder where a person is characterized as manipulative, lacking of remorse or guilt, lacking of empathy, and having a feeling of grandiosity;

k.     Schadenfreude – having pleasure in somebody else's misfortune or downfall.

l.      Self-serving bias – putting personal concerns and interests before those of others;

m.   Superiority Complex – an exaggerated sense of being better than other people;

Life-size Hypothesis:

1.    It all starts from the developed confidence and pride because of the acquired achievements and recognitions over the years.

2.    Because of weak emotional [and moral] foundation, the pride becomes more personal; there follows narcissism and delusions of grandeur.

3.    Overtime, delusions become more concrete and pervasive; hence, superiority complex develops.

4.    A person having superiority complex is sensitive to insecurities—egocentric.  He/she doesn’t want others to be ahead of him/her; and if so, he/she will have an extreme thirst to make the ones ahead go down.  In some cases, a person may spread rumors about the organization, the job, and coworkers just to satisfy his/her ego.

5.    In some instances, he/she is bias in serving himself/herself—if something goes wrong, he/she will say “It’s others’ faults [hindi sila marunong] [sila, sila, sila]”; if good things happen, he/she will say “I did that. I am the best [ako ako ako][at ang iba, hindi marunong].”

6.    He/she hates failing [I mean, he/she doesn’t admit failing] because for the same reason, he/she thinks that other people do what he/she does to them (see number 5).

7.    He/she finds pleasure from others’ downfall but he/she doesn’t want others to see him/her having a hard time [because again, he/she thinks that other people think what he/she thinks].

8.    If these things will continue to happen, the person will be used to these and he/she will desire [megalomania] for more.  Empathy and guilt will be overridden and soon he/she will become a complete psychopath.

Remedy:

Should you know someone who has these personality disorders and issues, strongly advise him/her to consult a life coach or a psychiatrist. Please.

Disclaimer:  No specific person is described here…hehe ;) 

In My Singleness by Annie

Too often, when I happen to bump into with long-time-no-see “friends”, I am always victimized by questions like “Kanus-a ka mag minyo, Ann?” or “May uyab ka na, Ann?”  I just smile and humbly say, “Wala pa po.”

I just could not understand why these people tend to stereotype women in my age: that we should already be in a relationship or be married.

Rushing into a relationship my dear friends, just to tell you, is pointless.  I was once in a relationship where one cannot even visit you; cannot make an effort to know you and your family; and is never proud of you or doesn’t even know your worth. As a result, you end up devastated, rejected, and shattered.

*****

I have decided not to date after the break up.  I need to prepare myself to someone whom God set aside for me and to nurture myself to become the right person to the one who truly deserves my love.

Maayo na lang jud, my family and close friends don’t make me feel inadequate in my singleness. They support my “hulat-hulat” virtue and they pray for me as well, that someday, I would finally meet the right man.  They always remind me not to settle for less—to set a higher standard, which includes choosing the person who loves and fears the Lord.

In my singleness, I can say I am happy.  I am given the chance to be me—to know more about God and myself.  I want to rekindle further my relationship with Him that was unnourished over the past years.  I aspire to focus on things I want and wish to do always—cycling, teaching, pursuing my MBA, having my dream job, obtaining a driver’s license, and traveling around the Philippines and across countries.

I think I still have so much to learn.  For now, I will fervently pray and be patient for the one. Who knows? :)

Clash Confessions 1 : "The Swap"

If you think you know everything… you’re wrong.

The chairperson of the faculty, upon her authority, chose to group highly competent registered enrollees to be on her section (Block A); and the not-so, to her rival instructor (Block B).  This Block A, as she described, was comprised of valedictorians, entrance scholars, honor rolls, achievers, or anyone she knew who came from a known school, while Block B, as she assumed, was composed of the “normal ones”, the untouchables, or the unknowns—or anyone who came from an unfamiliar academe.

The chairperson furnished the list every day without any thorough deliberation with her rival.  After all, they rarely talked to each other.

The D-day of the final lists came and it was time for her to encode the two blocks to the university computer system.  Being unaccustomed to the new information system (complicated that was), she accidentally swapped the blocks.  Hers now was Block B, and to his rival, Block A.

Into her frustrations, she decided to share her blooper to her co-faculty members and that started the impressions—that the Block A was the star class and the crème de la crème, and the Block B was the “unreliables”, the clowns, and the chaos.

Some professors bore these impressions sarcastically and these affected some of the classes especially in the second semester.  The two blocks were incessantly compared and obviously, the B got all the flaws.

Perhaps the chairperson was right.  Based on the screening for second year, almost all who passed through were in A.  Luckily, at least, the blocks became one during the second year.  The impressions somehow were eased off, but the pressure, for all, had just started…