Hug ko be... bahala'g awkward

She texted me “Mata pa lagi ka?”

I replied, “Mata pa man ka.  Hangtud naa pa ka itext or ishare sa ako, di ko matulog…”

While texting these words, I thought about the days we had since we became classmates.  We are friends since high school and the major thing that links us, not considering our course, is our genre.  She sings and plays guitar; I sing and play flute.  The big difference is that she performs and I do not, and she is way too better than I am a million times.

I admire her voice and the way she sings.  Her soft heavenly voice and her eyes (eyes: according to my mother… and I do not argue with my mother so let that be) are her best characteristics.  She is not sweet but her voice, when she sings, makes her sound sweeter than anyone does.

We had lots of fights and misunderstandings mainly because of my fault.  There were times when she didn’t like the way I talk about some matters and she’s very conservative and sensitive in some topics, which are not worth sharing (She will understand when she reads this).  Once, I assumed and said something and she got insulted about that.  I felt something punctured my heart when she said she was hurt for what I said.  We both knew that sorry was not enough to cover it but still I was very grateful that she had forgiven me for all I had done (not forgotten).

She'd upset me also but I chose not to remember them.  I expect more fights in the future because I believe that misunderstandings are form of communication between friends so they may know each other more and adjust or improve something (just fill in the something).

I am very blessed to have her and she is one of the persons I would not like to lose.  She may not appreciate the way I appreciate her (I admit it is awkward) but still I will not stop showing her how grateful I am even in simplest gestures.

Let us go back to the first two paragraphs.  That day, things got sour; she was not on the mood; and was very lonely because of that.  I could even imagine her weeping the whole day (though she is not the crying type).  I honestly supposed that she had only me to talk with about her problem that day.  I tried my best to boost her self-esteem and at least ease her agony but I also said that she has to experience pain before she can get through it.  She did not know that I too wept with her.  I understand her, I had been in her situation and I know how gloomy to be on her spot.  One that added my sympathy was when she said that she did not share it to anyone, even to her parents or to “someone special”. I kept on telling her that pain will ease faster if she would share it to anyone who loves and understands her just like what she did when she texted me.  She said she’s not comfortable and she’s scared of sharing her downfall to anyone including to her family.  I did not dig deeper why that was so—she needed a listener more than an investigator.  Then at the middle of our conversation, I said, “Hug ko beh”.  She replied “yikes” so I said giving a hug is a therapy, and what’s with it anyway, we’re friends.  She added, “Awkward lang”.  I was serious and I don’t consider hugging a friend an awkward thing so I replied, “Hug ko be, bahala’g awkward!”