...Once Upon a Time 2

October 11, 2007

12:30 pm

Hello… ok lang kaya ka dira ako yaby?  Miss na kaayo nimo si dad?  Miss na jud baya taka!  Nagatuon ka diha o wala?  Ayaw ingna wala kay masuko jud si dad.  Nakatanda pa ka sa ato goal?  Ayaw jud to kalimti!  Pagtuon dirag tarong.  Diri lang diay ta school?  Dili ba diay pwede?  Kung dili nila gusto magkita ta sa gawas sa school, sige!  Basta ang importante naa lang ka dinhi.  Unsa ang number ni May?  Mao to katung 0920?  Sige ko text sa iya wala man siya gareply.  Kabalo ko dili japon to mag reply sa ako kay suko kaayo to siya.  Wala na ko nabunang!  Sige ra ko sulat. Hehehe!

Gusto na jud taka makita, magunitan, biskan kadali man lang.  Everytime maghigda ko sa bed matandaan nako ka nga mag sige ug lantaw sa ako before ka matulog.  Matingala na lang ko nga wala pa ka natulog kay sig era ka ug smile gatan-aw sa ako.  Di nako makalimtan katung nakatulog nako tapos wala ko ka toothbrush, nakahilam-os, tanan—kay sa sobra ka kapoy.  Nag unsa gani diay ka ato?  Aie tama, naghangyo diay ka sa ako na nga gamiton nimo ag computer kay magdula ka tapos ako sobra ka kapoy dili na man taka mabantayan nag-una na lang ko ug tulog sa kwarto.  Natandaan ko. Wehehehe!  Didto nako nafeel kung unsa jud ko nimo ka love, bisan unsa na lang ako ginapang-ingon, nag-smile lang ka sa ako tapos nag-ingon “dad, don’t forget to brush your teeth, tapos hilamos dayon before you sleep.”  Di nako to makalimtan na lanes.  Lambing kaayo imo pagstorya sa ako.  Pagka buntag ato mga four o’clock sa kadlawon nag-mata naman ko tapos ang habol wala naman sa imo, deh gibalik nako, tapos nakamata ka.  Nag ingon dayon ka “Good morning dad.  I love you.”  Nag smile ko sa imo tapos nagreply “Morning sad, I love you too.”

Tapos ato imo gistorya ako gihimo pagkagabii katung nag daman ko.  Imo pa ko gikataw-an kay funny kaayo ako face ato, tapos nagmug-ot ko, nag ingon dayon ka, bahala na basta ikaw ang pinakagwapo na dad sa whole wide world. hehehe… nag smile ko ulit.

Nagpatabang pa ko ato ug review sa imo kay dili ko kasabot, murag 30 minutes lang gud to noh?  Dali lang kaayo tapos suddenly pagcheck nako sa clock 6:10 am na—“patay!”  Wala pa ko kaon.  Ana pa ka nga mag-cr ka sogipanaog taka, di magdugay ingon pa ko sa imo.  Ana ka nga “di man jud dad.”  Ana pa ka nga “pagdali dad ma-late gani ka nah!”  nitubag ko nga dili ko ma-late, tapos nagdali na ko.

Nibalik diba ka’g tulog kay sleepy kaayo ka?  6:45 am nagbalik ko sa kwarto kay mananghid ko nimo nga magschool nako.  Gidala nako ang tubig ug biscuits para kung gutumon ka.  Pagkahapon, nagsayo ko uli kay nagpromise ko sa imo nga mag uli ko dayon after class.  Pag saka nako paadto sa kwarto, nakita taka nga gahilak.  Nagdagan ko paadto sa bed tapos gipasandig ka sa ako shoulders.  Miss na nimo si nanay.  Ana ko na “sige ihatod tikaw uyang gabii.”  Naghilak ka samot kay dili nimo gusto mag uli—ana ka nga dili jud ka gusto mag-uli…

...Once Upon a Time 1 (link for the first letter)

Torments (by Precious U)

Last Friday night
Desolation and burdens...

I had never felt so down
Six feet under...

The pain in my chest...
It shattered my heart into dust… 

Oh, how am I able to bear it?
I do not know... 

I wish to know... 

How am I able to live every minute of my life from now on?

How am I able to feel happiness without being pierced by your memory?

If it will take a lifetime to escape from this endless torment,
I would rather be in hell right now than to see your heavens…

Let the HEART Speak

You were asking my opinion about a person you like
And I answered you all you wanted to know.
You noted the points I said—would consider it heartily.
Thank you for asking me, trusting me with those matters.
I appreciate the thoughtful inquiry you made.

But let me tell you the truth, I was nervous.
I hesitated because
I didn’t want my ideas be significant in your decisions
And my heart told me to be truthful to you.
I was hurt, but I continued.

All I want is for you to be happy.
All I want is to see you grow.
I said bad things more than the good ones
But those were not meant to give him inequity
Those were things you were asking me to say—my opinion.

But I tell you this; follow your heart no matter
What people will say.  Listen to where
Your feelings are coming from. Those are the things
I have not done and have regretted
So please, let your heart speak.

Listen to it but don’t let it blind you;
Lead your heart first before letting it lead you.
At the end of the day, you and you alone
Can answer the questions that rest inside you
And I wish that all your decisions be the best for you.

Snippets by Precious U

November 26, 2013

My Greatest Downfall

I gave you my life... I gave you happiness but you gave up on me for some creature. How am I going to live my life without your trace? Indeed, my greatest downfall…

Secrets

If secrets and lies could kill, I should be dead by now.

December 1, 2013

Elysian

I want to love every moment that I have right now.  I may not have all that I want; at least, I was given just what I needed—good companies make good moments to live for.

Annoyed kay JM (by Precious U)

Mag-ingat sa mga taong ‘kala mo kung sino nang umasta

Nanunugod ng bahay, di naman alam ang mitsa.

Porke’t may pera ka, ipaglandakan, wag naman sana

Ako’y nagtitimpi lamang, baka di ako makapigil ng kusa

Lalo mo lang pinatutunuyang di ka talaga kaaya-aya.

Sana naman, umayos ka at huwag magpakababa…

The Dusk or The Dawn? (Unedited)

1

“Uie dong, graduating na ka noh?” some people asked this.

I would reply “Dili pa, next school year pa.”

“Ngano man?”

“Naulahi kog take sang subjects so extended ko ug one year.”

“Nganong naulahi man ka?”

There was a pause… and that was the end of my temper—most people really dug deep and the only way to stop them was to tell the naked truth.  So then, I would always reply, “Nabagsak man gud ko sa akong isa ka major na prerequisite for other higher majors and dili man siya makuha in any semester so I needed to wait for one year para makuha to siya na subject.  Napasa na nako to siya and now padayon sa nabilin.”

“Aie sayang eh.”

I really hate hearing “sayang”.  It does not sound compassionate to me—as if they’re saying that I’m wasting the efforts of my parents [which is not], though I get their point.

First is TIME.  A year is not a span of time one may wish to waste.  I mean, I may miss so many things in this added year.   Perhaps, within the year, I could have a job—earn my salary and go to the places I have never been to, eat the foods that I have not eaten, buy stuffs that I only see in malls, or simply, help my parents first thing.  Alternatively, of course, the basic, review and take the board exam.

Second is FINANCE.  I do not want to solve but I could imagine how much money I could save if I would graduate earlier. But because I’ll not, I will still pay for transportation, food, projects, photocopies, quizzes, handouts, and/or printouts—I’m talking of the marginal costs I will spend on the added year so tuition fees and miscellaneous during enrollment,  the SOPs of all the payments, are not included.  If I accumulate these expenses, I am sure the amount is really material.

Those are the “sayang” they are stressing me but my perspective is very different from theirs.  When I failed that major subject, I have found an opportunity to improve myself.  The added year, maybe, is a sign that I am not yet ready for the real world.  The things I mentioned above are the things that I might have… MIGHT have—dreams, illusions, and lies.  Those are very uncertain, and what’s certain now is that I am not prepared yet… this is the reality—this is FACT.  I may spend more for this added year but I’m sure this is worth spending—time and money.  I believe there are things I need to learn more and I hope this time I won’t miss any of it.

The advantage is that I have longer time to prepare for the future.  I have lesser subjects than others have in an easy schedule; I have time for everything, including procrastination, but this time, it must not be included it in my list.

2

Many students want to graduate in time planned but I’m pretty sure not all of them deserve to graduate.  In fact, not all graduates pass the board exams.

The reason I think is that instructors solely rely on the very basic quantitative evaluation—the grading system, like 60% on this, 25% on that, so and so, and if you get 75% you pass, congrats! Duh.

Some instructors inspire their students by saying “Wala may bugo sa accounting, naa lang tamad.”  But obviously this is not true!  The proper statement is “Wala may tamad sa accounting, naa lang bugo.” People are born with different brain capacities.  There are persons who could endure a long duration of studying but still could hardly understand what they are reading; there are persons who understand the lessons at once and sleep as early as 9 pm; there are persons who could not understand the lessons and could not endure long readings and that makes them sleepy; and everything other than those—name the worse combinations of it.  Only few are the once who have the best combination.  Of course, I’m not saying that this is a valid excuse for the instructors to pass all of the students.  All I’m saying is that, students’ scores in quizzes do not precede them.  Grades do not evaluate how much we learn from the subjects we take—I do believe in that.  Grades are just a fragment of evaluating the students’ capacity to memorize and/or understand the lessons but never of the students’ capacity to blend and bend in changing standards of learning and of knowledge. There’s more to consider than grades alone like attitudes, confidence, paradigms, and personal relationships.  Students go to college to become better persons, humans, to prepare them in any profession they want, not to become robots who only know raw knowledge and facts and formulas.  

Furthermore, students really believe that having high grades will save them from the lashes of failure that may actually devastate anyone, even the fittest.  Some students do everything just to think how they can get good grades.  Blessed are the honest and diligent but admittedly, there are some who compare, cheat, and plagiarize just to satisfy their urge to survive.  As a result, after college, some of these people struggle in their jobs.  They oftentimes lack social disciplines, which is one of the very essential elements in workplaces.

Not everybody will find this article very useful.  Well, these are all my opinions… a past time perhaps.

I end this article with a question, what do you think you’ll become after college?

Friday Morning

This morning, an old woman from the outside called us.  When I opened the door, I saw her palms open at the gate.  She then started begging for just a small pack of rice and a spoonful of pity.  She did not specify the quantity she needed but I could see in her eyes that she would accept even a handful of it.  She touched my heart.  She was not from our subdivision I could tell.  She was wearing black shirt with prints on it, pedal pants, sandals, and a weary smile.  She was carrying a recyclable bag and a sack of experiences that were marked in the lines of her face.  I had thought for a while and asked myself of the questions I would have asked her, “Asa imong mga anak la?” “Asa ka gapuyo?” but I was not able to speak and the thoughts went on, “Naa kaha ni siya’y ginapakaon? Perhaps apo.” “Siya na lang kaya isa?” “Paano kaya niya nakaya na maglakaw unya mangayo ug bugas? nagkasubo jud siguro ni siya…”  then I stopped and faced the reality.

Even having my sincerest thought to help, I still was not able to because I was bound to follow my limitations.  I could not just give something to anyone not unless we ourselves (family) have enough resources and not without the permission of the ones who pay for it—my parents.  I said my most genuine sorry and she just nodded and smiled halfway as she backed out and walked away from our gate.  That smile doubled my pity, stabbed me, and made me write.

I may not help these people for now but I promise to help them when the proper time comes.  I do not want to blame anyone like other people do.  I may not change the way things go, but I can change the way I think about these things and may these help me become a better person, as I want to be.

Things that I could have Done

There were so many things I could have done last semester but I don't know why I had not done them.  I still search for answers though I think I know them already—I only need to ponder more deeply to write it.  hmmn…