Why are We Sociologists? by Hope

Unknowingly, we think like sociologists.  Sociologists never assume anything unless proven by immense evidences.  Here are some instances persons apply this kind of attitude:

Courtship.  A woman does not anticipate something from a man unless the man is showing everything to prove his love for her.  In the same manner, a man may assume that a woman would love him back in return because the woman is showing signs of liking him.

Gossiping.  Oftentimes we talk about somebody because we judge him/her with what we hear from other people. Then afterwards we realize that these are just opinions and in some cases, are completely wrong.  Sociologists are ready to commit mistakes. Every time we hear gossips, we are also open to the possibility that those are nothing but rumors created by some persons.

Curiosity.  We are sociologists if we ask more questions.  Digging deeper towards a certain situation makes us one of them. 

We are sociologists because we think weird and wonderful. Like for example when watching TV shows, we come to realize that the show is not giving us fun but also bias for other people and races. We think it’s not entertaining anymore. We just don’t watch the person or the characters on a certain show just because they have beautiful body but we are being considerate with what we can learn from it.

We live on a planet that is compound but we need to embrace its complexities and differences in order for us to understand it. We will be able to find out that the cause of broken marriages does not only circulate on a certain reason or its rates make sense in all situations; or that the economic recession can cause higher rates of unemployment. The world can be complicated and so can sociological explanations.

March 10, 2013

What you think, you are.

Depression is one of the leading causes of failure among students nowadays. Oftentimes, this starts from misconceptions, erroneous beliefs, and expectations in life—negativism. Psychologist Aaron Beck sorted out these thoughts into following:

All-or-nothing thinking.  There are no grays; everything is either black or white, as, for instance, a student who thinks that 3.00 in a list of 1.00 makes him a failure.

Overgeneralization.  Because of one bad experience, you expect nothing good to happen.  Because you failed in one quiz, you thought you’d flunk the whole course.

Automatic discounting.  Everything good is treated as due to chance, as in Filipino way of saying tsamba lang when congratulated.

Magnification and minimization.  You magnify your weakness and minimize your strengths, as teenagers dwelling on one small pimple and letting it ruin their whole day.

Should statement.  Rather than doing something spontaneously, you focus on the should’s, as in “I should study because I do not want to fail,” rather than focusing on the joys of learning itself.

Personalization.  When something bad happens, you feel it is your entire fault, as in the student who wails, “It’s all my fault!” when it rains during outdoor programs.

Mind-reading.  You assume that others look down on you even without checking it thoroughly, as in “I will not try out for singing contest, since the judges will never like my voice anyway.”

The most effective way to prevent these paradigms is to engage in cognitive thinking—to change these beliefs in order to prevent irrational thoughts that can cause depression.

Adapted

Smiles

A priest shared a lesson in one of his lectures. He said that there are three kinds of smiles in each one of us. The first is the smile of gratitude. It is the smile representing our thankfulness to God and to the persons who brought us to who we are. The second is the smile of dreams. It is the foundation of our aspirations—this smile tells us to dream high. The third and last smile is the smile of hope. It is the smile that makes our dreams come true—the smile that aims to fulfill the smile of dreams.

We ought to bear these smiles every day. However, not everyone notices them—not everyone understands. Some people are not aware that these smiles just rest inside them because they are very busy worrying over irrational things. The best and only way to nurture these smiles is to seek peace with God, to endeavor to be happy, and to love endlessly.

Spread the smiles. :)

Binukot

Maxim Since

A man once said, “There are two options you can choose when you wake up; to sleep and dream again or to rise and change your dream.” People may think of several ways how to decide on these two alternatives but wisdom would tell you to take the latter—nonetheless of course, it always depends on the person bearing his life how he manages it.  Here are some maxims a person may have to rise up every waking moment of his life.

Faith in God. First thing every morning before rising, pray and say out loud “I believe!” three times.  God grants us the courage not to part from our aspirations even in the middle of hardships.

Faith in oneself. Great things happen only if one believes that he can exhaust his maximum capacity.

Determination. Persons who find ways for themselves will always attain endless opportunities. If they cannot find opportunities, they make them.  The ones who keep trying achieve most of the important things in the world.

Focus. A man of focus is never discouraged by difficulties.  He redoubles his diligence and perseverance until infallibility prevails.

Discipline. It is not just about finishing your job on time—it is also about leading proper life.  People create their own success by ascertaining what they need to learn.

Inspiration. “Dance like nobody’s watching. Love as if you have never been hurt. Sing as if no one hears you. Live like it is heaven on earth.”

Whatever path a person may take, he may have these maxims to be his guide as he faces life.

What’re yours?

Questions One Should Try to Answer

1. If you could go back in time -- and never come back, what point would it be, and why?

2. Should the prophecies be right and you’re the last one standing, what will you do, and why?

3. Should you be given an opportunity to cast a final and executory rule to all nations, what would it be, and why?

4. Should the day come that you lose your voice -- and never have it back, who would you talk to for the last time, and why?

5. If you were given the sole power to change something, what would you change, and why?

6. If you could take the place of somebody famous for a day, who would it be, and why?

7. Why do some people love more than one person at a time?

8. How do mysteries arise and what should be done to solve them? 

9. How could people overcome worry and what should they do to alleviate them?

10. If you could speak to someone you’ve never spoken to -- and never again, who would it be, and why?

11. What distinguishes talent from skill?

12. What makes a person successful?

13. When is being unconventional mostly admirable?

14. What constitutes the privacy of somebody famous?

15. What makes sunset beautiful?

July 2, 2012 Adapted

Harassed

I did not expect our topic last night would make me worry for her this much—also made me angry for a person I do not even know personally (and if I do, heavens forbid what I could do).

I called my friend out of boredom and we first talked about wattpad, songs, icebreakers, and job seeking.  After a while, the subject got serious when I opened something about what she told me last time—I said I was curious what happened to her and to her friend-slash-lover-slash-assumer, why she decided not to entertain him anymore, and why she’s already keeping distance to him. She hesitated at first but then she confessed something I have not thought for once.

*****

One night, the latest incident, she attended a slumber party with friends in one of their friend’s boarding house.  It wasn’t really a party at all, just a gathering with some old colleagues inside one of the rooms. There, also, was her “friend” [let us call him her “friend”, with (“ ”)].  While all of them were just talking, enjoying the matters, suddenly her pervert “friend” leaned forward toward her and attempted to kiss her lips, but she covered them before they hit his.  This maniac made his way to her cheeks down to her neck instead even though she was already edging movements to avoid him.  This man did not stop his attempts and made his hands maliciously caress around her sensitive parts.  She startled but abled to push the guy away. She slapped him then cried as she hurriedly left the room.

I squeezed information further.  I have discovered that it was not the first time she was harassed by this erotic guy.  There was one time when she was taking a bath, the lights went out (she knew someone turned it off) and she was late to realize that she forgot to lock the door. Someone entered—her “friend”.  This maniac said something like, “Kita lang diri. Ano, gusto mo himuon ta?” (It’s just the two of us here.  You want to do it?).  She cried aloud and her board-mates ran toward the room.  Immediately, the maniac went out of the bathroom leaving her still startling.  Her other male board-mates scolded her “friend”.  He said he was just making fun of her… and the fuss just ended there (I could not believe how it just ended there!).

Once, while she was studying, she heard someone sniffing.  She glanced under the table and found out that it was her itchy “friend” smelling in between her legs almost touching his nose to her thing. He just laughed and said it smelled like citrus.

There was a time that her roommates asked her “wala ka may nabatyagan?” (haven’t you felt anything?).  They said that there were times that the guy was touching her parts while she was sleeping.  My friend left the issue undisclosed hoping that a change on him would somehow happen.

One day, she was on her bed.  His “friend”, who had just finished bathing, walked near her.  He almost flashed his part in front of her but my friend managed to close her eyes.  Her lewd “friend” forcedly held her hand wanting it to touch his part, but she vigorously compelled—then he stopped, without any traces of shame on his face.

These mentioned are just some of what this lewd ill-mannered person did to her but these are more than enough for an elaboration to make me disgust for this guy.

*****

Know that this debauched pervert was always saying apologies after doing those things [or better say, after failing to do his malicious intents] and his only excuse was that he was just making fun of her (talk to the marines, man!).  Know also that she was always [very] angry every time he was doing those to her, BUT she was always forgiving him for the grounds that they are friends and she loves him.  Yes, she loves him—I never believed that love could make a person stupid, not until I heard all these.  How unfortunate she is to fall for a libidinous person who knows nothing but carnally molest and take advantage over her knowing that she fancies him.  What I hate most is that, all this time, he pretends to be a gay (what the… for once, I wish I had an extensive vocab of bad words!).

One miserable part is, their board-mates hadn’t said anything to rebuke the guy because they supported their tandem.  Maybe it is just normal for her board-mates to see those malicious gestures. I bet they all have experiences, but still they should be sensitive enough not to tolerate the guy’s lasciviousness.  This is not about open-mindedness—this is about respect.

In their case, the guy doesn’t have the right to touch her—they’re not even in a relationship.  This pervert just assumed carnal affection and as I said earlier, he was just taking advantage—such a douchebag!  My friend is admittedly still not ready for any intimate relationship and of course, also not for make-outs.

*****

Best thing I admire about her is that she never gave in to the lure of the situations.  It somehow eased my worries when she said that the guy never got her all the way.

Before we almost ended our talk, she asked me one thing; what if he comes back, asks forgiveness, and offers friendship again, should she accept it?

My answer is very simple: NO! She may forgive, yes, but must never forget. She must learn instead and ignore accepting friendship again.  I know this will be hard for her, but then she must remember the entire trauma she had.  If that man could do such things [such erotic, wanton, and lewd things], even time can never change his malignity—and may God hinder what worse could happen.  Take my words for that!

*****

Dear friend,

If you read this, know that it hurts me to write all these.  I just could not contain my worries and rage that even my tears could not alleviate them—so came the writing.   It hurts me to imagine what you had been through all this months, years, and I didn’t even know all about these until just last night.  The one I care for was being abused then what do you expect me to react huh? Does he know you?! Does he feel what you feel?! Does he love you the way I [we] do?! NO!  Of all the trust you gave to him, he just reciprocated you indecency.  Believe me, he doesn’t understand you.  I don’t care if he’s your first love—if it never dies, bury it alive as some say. He doesn’t appreciate your feelings—for most, he doesn’t even know how to respect you as a friend, as a lady, as a sister, as a human. You are not a toy… you are not a pig!  So many other persons love you unconditionally.  YOU DON’T NEED HIM!

Take care, please—at least not for me or for other people, but for yourself.

May 12, 2014

Deletes and Keeps

After all, deleting texts messages, which I kept for years, was not that dramatic.

Last night, I suddenly lost my sentiments over the messages in my inbox.  For many years, I saved them still with blurred intention; hoarding texts perhaps, or possibly, I was afraid that their texts would be the last they would send me (ridiculous isn’t it?), or for practical reasons I once liked their quotes and trivias—in fact, most of the messages were just GMs (group messages).

Some texts though were not read most especially if they came from a person who sends quotes regularly almost every day and if the messages were all of the same genre.  Sometimes, messages teaching morals irritate me when I know the one who sends those doesn’t even have the guts to be morally conscious at all—it just doesn’t make sense.

Of course, I saved some that are worth the keep.  These are the messages that took part in my strength through the years, like the text from one of my professors “Di ka pumasa”, a text from a friend “good night pangga”, a text from a lady saying sorry for her being insensitive, etc.  The “di ka pumasa” (you did not pass) text made me bitter at first but I realized then that my efforts in my studies were not on its peak yet, from the moment I grasped the significance of that text, I started pushing myself more—also made me appreciate my capacity as an individual.  The “good night pangga” made me aware that I wasn’t alone at times I thought I was.  The message is from a friend far from my place but we still keep being connected through texts and calls.  I remember, that time, we were talking about our love problems and we shared each other’s opinions about relationships and more.  By the way, “pangga” means the one I care for.  The text apologizing for being insensitive was from a woman I once loved.  Actually, we both were insensitive and I, in addition, was being childish.  The text was a big slap that opened my eyes to the reality that I became too assuming for the affection I did not even deserve… well, sentiment’s over.  I just like to keep it to make sure I will not make the same stupidity again.

I felt relief afterwards.  I could not tell that it was as if nothing just happened, of course, something happened!  I deleted many, I kept some and I was happy. Maybe, something new will be sent to me for the next school year, I mean, more meaningful texts than the ones I deleted… or the contrary.  Whatever those will be, I will always be ready for it… either to delete or to keep.